A Person, not a Username

It was around 2010, twelve hours spent fighting Tomah over and over again.
-Once upon a time, days to beat Yeager
-Duke, Mithos, Dhaos, and the list goes on and on.

I wish I had free time like that again, but alas, life is life. At least on the flip side, I got much better at Tales over the years. Those same bosses now would take about twenty minutes to record, edit, and upload.

However, the same theme stayed the same. Those controllers clicking, body trembling from adrenaline--such a rush it was. The video gets uploaded and that small little circle of fans you built up over the years; it may only be a dozen or so, maybe hundreds, thousands, millions, but the lessons were the same. Some Tales fan, somewhere, whether it was on a break between classes or lunch-time at work; they enjoyed and appreciated the hard-work. It didn't go unnoticed. Whether it was the steady, but common "Good job!" comments; which are endearing in their own way; or the innocent questions about the battle systems. Something worth some discourse about Tales.

Honestly, those were the halcyon days. I can't lie, I was a fool back then with an attitude problem. I've seen learned to not make assumptions in context of the internet, but there is one...button that just gets pressed.

I get it, people like music. Music does something to the soul I really couldn't explain. However, exactly what a BGM is...A "background" part of the overall formula. Initially, people asking for the music was justified; as I often neglected to mention it anywhere. Fair enough. I would respond to PMs, but I always asked for people to not drive my comments to just be about the music. Why? Because, having my hard work mitigated to not being having worth is enough to drive anyone nuts. So many of the players in the community put up videos with a lot of heart into their craft. Just to get that dusted aside for a "good job, but what's the music." I mean come on.

This rant would not hold much weight, aside for the fact I actually started putting BGMs in big, bold white letters at the end of the video. My comments? Just about the music format, or straight up ASKING FOR THE BGM. I mean, really? You couldn't watch two minutes or even the last minute to get what you want and move on? Yet, these same people have the audacity to say "I love your videos." How? You don't even watch...I mean what are you doing when you click the video? Pausing it? This is the same reason most Tales players don't even bother with descriptions. Ya'll don't read them. So I put the BGM IN THE VIDEO and you still don't see? Fuck outta' here.

Something changed. Either those people from back in the day out-grew Tales or went on different avenues with life, but today? It's just difficult to feel the same love from the community. "I only watch for the BGMs, I love your videos"

Huh? No one but me sees how disrespectful this is? I mean, all-in-all I could just upload some bullshit with a "hot beat" as ignorant fools call them, just to milk views. Garbage LPs, Shitty Combo Videos, etc with music and just go on about my business I guess? Fuck ya'll.

Every so often I get a sub who says "Hey Clip, love your videos! Sorry for being a silent viewer, but I don't know what to say"

I try so hard to stick around for those subscribers. I do, I really have mad love for you all amidst all the bull-shit. It's unfortunate the vocal people are those who just constantly press my button. However, since you all stay silent I see no issues turning my comments off. I left them on in the cases where someone wanted to speak up, but if I keep at this pace I'd just walk away. It's already hard enough uploading consistently with my shifting priorities.

Yet, I'm just a username right. It seems to be a mindset that uploaders are just some bots. Upload my Tales with the music now or I'll unsub! Fuck ya'll, I don't owe anyone shit. There are people behind usernames, respect(respeck) that.

Dislike deez nutz. I eat dislikes all day, so people will keep going until they fade away as usual. I'm choosing to not deal with the bullshit anymore.
  1. 2016/04/24(日) 18:42:27|
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The People

It's a Saturday morning,

The birds are chirping, the old folks yammer away about their lawns that need cutting, and soaked in the early sunbeams of morning's fresh blues...sits this muthafuc-

Slim Charles said it best:

And it isn't a lie, I tell you. For years, I thought I'd just sort of choose where I needed to go, then life just kind of happens. One moment you're going one way, next it's March 12th and suddenly you don't want to upload.

A few videos get squeezed out nearly a month later, and suddenly it's April 18th...another March 12th. It wasn't until recently I really just ran into the one roadblock I never thought I'd encounter with uploading Tales:

I just did not care anymore

I mean Edna, Asch, Spada, Baba...these solos or runs mean what in the end? Bringing entertainment to the 200-500 odd-some people who may get some entertainment on a lunch break, or after a long homework session always functioned as the fuel to the golden engine, but my feelings have been neutral for years now. I did not particularly enjoy uploading Tales for some time, but I did not loathe the act.

I grew to ignore those "I-just-watch-for-the-music" types. I long since stopped needing validation for uploading an RPG to YouTube, so comments; or the lack of, isn't the problem. I even got a laugh out of the "What's da' BGM" even when it was mentioned in the video or description. A part of the game. A part of a game I really just don't feel like playing much these days.

It's a blog, so I have no reason to feel bad getting a bit long winded. It's whatever.

I feel the same way about the poetry lately too. Perhaps it's just another phase or a transition. Change typically happens after one becomes uncomfortable in a familiar environment. Right now I feel uncomfortable. I upload, people watch, they forget. I upload, people watch, people forget.

I hate being predictable, and I hate falling into patterns. Normally, I dislike--NOT seeing things to the end, but that's life. Life never really hands out closure. It may be a justification to to walk away with as little shame as possible.

This isn't a rant. I have no real gripes with anyone or anything. Namco is doing great with Berseria, the Tales fanbase is still trying to heal and grow post-TSF, and every-so-often, there is a thumbnail on someone's feed from a run of year's past. Hey guys, here's boss four, from another run started years ago! At some point, Clip or Passaro will return a "Who?" and that's fine. Baba may add me as a cameo battle in a game when they discover I did nil for the West.

Either way, I grow tired. I suppose when I do walk away, the theatrics I'd do back in the day just won't cut it. Throwing the systems in the closet, and just doing something else sounds about right. So I apologize, life doesn't hand closure out. It may be hours, days, weeks, or months before anyone notices. And I'm good with that.

Or you'll head to YouTube and see that damn thumbnail letting you know the fifth boss from that run I started years ago is finally up. On a Saturday, under some sunbeams wondering why my blinds are even open in the first place. Cheers

  1. 2016/04/19(火) 20:09:40|
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Pássaro Insight

In a particularly random occurrence, or an attempt to break out of my writer's block I have returned to utilizing Pássaro Insight (again).

From the jump, I've never had an express interest in writing descriptions for any videos. Descriptions functioned as a mere formality to explain phenomena; which at the time was relevant. However, with experience over time those strategies or issues become irrelevant in the event I ever return to said run or boss. If you want to be all cute about it, it can be just seen as a moment of time.

Either way, the insight came about as a round-about way to get people to actually understand what goes into a run; since hardly anyone reads a video description. A problem that has been around since the dawn of YouTube. Slapping the text on the actual video proved beneficial, but the resulting issue really fell upon my laziness.

Ironically, I'm a writer, well of poetry, but I hate writing. I always did and always will. Naturally, I THOUGHT there was nothing to really "say" about a video, knowing full-well I could jot something to occupy three to five minutes of video time; but alas, procrastination was laid as the foundation of whatever mental fortification I call a home to reside in.

While I'm still lazy as hell (You can see from my lack of updates per run), I decided to try again to return to Insight. I did a poll forever ago, and many subscribers asked for the return of some sort of description. So, this is really for....me. Sorry, I actually found some sort of justification to bring it back; mainly to start writing more so I can work on my books. At least it's a mutual benefit for all parties.

mmm mm mm

Or really just for me.

As the year goes on I intend to retroactively add Insight to every "Project" playlist I have. This will take an immense amount of time, but I'll post an update here and there; whenever something gets done.

*Lazy translates to having bigger priorities than uploading Tales to YouTube
  1. 2016/04/16(土) 09:38:47|
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